Moments of Despair/Moments of Clarity

So, as many of you know, I went back to Amurrka for a couple of weeks with the main purpose being my brother's wedding of which I was the best man for. The wedding was absolutely beautiful, and I couldn't have asked to be part of something more beautiful. In fact, I was asked to be a part of it... I mean, I would hope I would be invited to my only brother's wedding. Okay, off topic. So, I won't get too deep into the nitty gritty of all of the amazing things I had the opportunity to do, see, eat, watch while I was in the States, because well, that'd be outright cruel for the few PCV friends in Cambodia that read this blog. The point is, I had two major "oh shit" moments while on vacation ("on vacation" is right, and I'll get to why that is absolutely relative and applicable to my point in a minute). Each moment lasted around 20 minutes.

The first:

I was driving back from seeing my brother and sister-in-law off to their honeymoon. I was driving my car back on a practically empty freeway going somewhere between 75-80 mph. I had some Daft Punk playing over the speakers, and the only thing I could think was, "Damn. Damn. This is so fantastic. I've never appreciated driving like this. I didn't realize how much I would miss this. Iiii'm not sure I wanna go back.

The second:

I was bitching to myself about having to lug back eight times as much stuff back home. It was then that I realized that I used the word "home". I was vacationing. America was a vacation for me. It was at that realization that I knew I was actually looking forward to comimg back...home. It's not just a place where my stuff happens to be, it's where I work, live, have the majority of the friends that I see most often.

Most of the people I've talked to who have been here for awhile and even those who have been here just as long as I have say they're so surprised everytime someone comes back from the States. But, to be honest, I feel so right about being here. Don't get me wrong. When my Close of Service (COS) comes around, I'm probably not planning on sticking around. I'll be excited to get back to the U.S. Now, though, I'm here, and I've got an amazing support group. My friend Sarah came over to me and rested her head on my knee while I was typing this, telling me how she gets so sad on the last day of these reunions. She said, "I feel like I've known you my whole life." For those of you who don't know, Sarah lived in Tucson for 10 years, so we've had plenty to reminisce about. Anyhow, it's comments like that that just keep me excited about ther and now rather than a year and a half from now. Needless to say, I'm in a good place.


p.s. Go Cats! (basketball)