Running Away from the Problem OR Hugging is a Euphemism for Sex

*Sometimes topics need to be discussed despite the sensitivity of the material. However, I will attempt to handle it delicately.

I stayed at site for quite some time from the health meeting at the beginning of the year to a meeting I had a couple of weekends ago in Phnom Penh. In that time, I had a regularly growing frustration for the male gender in this country. It is not uncommon for a man to seek prostitution in this country, and it is not really considered taboo. I am not one to judge what one does with one's time and money. In fact, in late 19th century/early 20th century America, brothels were considered a part of everyday life and, though they were not highly looked upon by many, they were tolerated by a lot (despite its illegality). However, what does bother me are two things:

1) The open discussion it receives in front of women who are clearly uncomfortable when the subject is being discussed [call me a gentleman];

2) When married men ask me to join them at the "karaoke bar".

(The "karaoke bar" is often a site for prostitution and sometimes a brothel itself)

I've been told (on more than one occasion) "Garrett. I will have two girls: one on each knee ::slaps each knee:: and you will have four: one on each arm, too ::slaps biceps:: It is not a problem. You will have good health!" to which I can only respond, "Or you can get HIV/AIDS, and it is a problem. You are married." The response (without fail) is: "Oh, it is no problem!" I can (again) only say, "I know you're wife. She's a very nice woman, and "hugging" other women would not make her very happy." "Not a problem" they repeat.

Now, there are always exceptions to the rule, and I know many. In fact a good friend of mine in this country is one of those people. He just got married and is a delicate soul. His happiness revolves around the happiness of others. He wishes only the best for all, and I think nothing ill of him. However, not every man here is like him.

When I went to Phnom Penh for that meeting, I was excited because I was escaping the subject of prostitution (which is ironic, because prostitution thrives in Phnom Penh) for a few days. However, today I was asked again by a new person to the discussion if I wanted to "hug" the two girls next to me. I clearly had only run away from an issue that wasn't going to disappear simply because I wished it would.

"No," I say, "I do not know them, and maybe they feel embarassed when you ask me that, because they can hear you." He proceeded to tell me that all American and Cambodian men are alike on the subject of sex. I tell him that he is wrong, they are different. He looks confused and says to me, "Oh, but American men are very rich, and they can buy more women than I can, so they are like us. They can have women when they want." As you can see, this was going to take a little bit of explaining. I tried to explain that a woman (in America) is not attracted to men that sleep with many other women (for money or not). He gave me a strange look and asked why a man would not do what he wants when he can. "Maybe he does not want to do what you want to do." There are so many other things to explain, like the fact that all Americans are not rich. In fact, it's quite on the other side of the spectrum at this point.

The subject of prostitution, and more specific, infidelities are not simple subjects to tackle here in Cambodia. It is not a simple conversation you can have with a friend who you feel has gone in the wrong direction. It is a behavior that has existed for quite some time. It is also an issue that runs globally. I am attributing it to Cambodia simply because I am accounting for my specific experiences here. I do not expect to go on a campaign across the country telling of the immoralities of cheating on your wife, but I can start small scale discussions and see where that goes.

Again, there are many, many exceptions to the rule for men in Cambodia. I do not want you to take what I say and apply it to all men in this country.

Hope all is well,
and talk to you soon,
Garrett